A Look Inside

Updated: Apr 21, 2020

I’ve had a relationship with alcohol since I was born. It has always been a part of my life, a teacher on my journey, and I’ve watched the power of it grip at life around me.

When I was younger, my dad battled with active alcohol addiction. He went to AA, we went to Al-Anon. I didn’t know life outside of alcoholism. I never knew that other kids weren’t “going to meetings”, too.

He often comments on my spiritual journey, that he believes what I believe. There is a common thread between the surrender of control around addiction and the ultimate surrender we seek through spirituality. I have begun to pay more attention to how large of a role alcohol plays in life. It is in my favorite songs, on billboards, in advertisements, movies, life at every turn. Some of my most beloved teachers/spiritual leaders have left it behind for a life of sobriety and it got me thinking.

Why do we hang on so tight to a relationship that is so, potentially, unpredictable?

There are so many ups and downs with this faceless shapeshifter. It doesn’t matter who you are, it can seduce you. It can fool you into believing it is healing, helping, and that you still have your will. We don’t consciously choose to lose our grip, this I believe.

It’s seductive in nature, showing up early in life at a time you’re most vulnerable - your teens. It can be your best friend. You want to fit in and it makes you feel more confident. It encourages you to say how you feel and holy sh*t, you are really funny, with it's help. But, it can also be really spiteful. Why did it leave you passed out and feeling so awful? How did this fun night turn into a spiral of shame the next day.