Why You Won’t Change

The real reason

I just moved a lady bug from my bathroom to another floor and area of my house that included lush plants, moisture and sun, even a few aphids. Not 2 hours later I go into the originating bathroom to find the ladybug cozy as a “bug in a rug”, hanging from the ceiling. 

The effort it would take to do this for such a little creature was monumental. I have no way of knowing if this was a life or death decision for him to move, but it got me thinking about the lengths we are willing to go to to NOT change. 

We all talk about wanting change. The whole world is talking about wanting change. But all this change that we’re demanding and asking for is coming from someone or something else, never us. And I find that odd.

I find it odd because we are the only ones we have control over and yet, we think we can control the world with our cries for change. 

If you or I can’t change for ourselves, who are we to say how the world should work. 

If you want something to change, you have to do something to change.  Period. End of story. 

This should be our motto. 

It doesn’t mean that the world will crumble if you take your voice away from the cries for change, it actually means that it will matter more. It means that you’re willing to do something about your current unhappiness and not put so much effort into staying the same. 

I know how easy it is to blame others, I still find myself doing it. Did it this morning. But it doesn’t mean I don’t know that the truth is - if I have an opinion on it, I can do something to make a difference.

That something is usually uncomfortable and we opt out of doing it. 

I recently saw a post on social media where a mother was asking the community to talk to their children about bullying as her little one was being tormented at school. It breaks my heart because I’ve been on both sides of this - the bullied and the bully. The scars I hold from being the bully haunt me more than any time I was bullied, I’ll swear to that. Children can be mean. There’s no doubt. So why not set our kids up for their best chance at success? 

If your children are being bullied for their weight, why are you not doing something to help them? This is directly within your control and, to me, much easier and better longterm for your child than asking the community to change, especially on facebook. As a mother my heart breaks every time my children are hurt. It doesn’t get easier as they get older. It becomes less and less in your control. You can’t protect them from their first and subsequent heartaches. I wish this was different. But, if you really want to arm your children with the love that they deserve, teach them to love themselves. Teach them to nourish their bodies, not punish them with food. Teach them that food isn’t love and that love comes when we move and say no to things that cause us illness and take away our health and natural state.

This is so in our control.

Right there, if this is you, you might’ve went - ya, and……your list of current excuses. But the truth remains, if you looked at the healthy choices with the same mindset you look at unhealthy choices, you could do this. You could adjust, and slowly over time, your preference would be different.

There’s something else other than those excuses.

You’re attached.

You don’t want to change.  

This is the same for the people who say they want love and then do everything they can to sabotage it, including who they choose to love. Everything then becomes that person’s fault….almost like it’s a story we know the ending of and we’re not quite ready to move on from that series. 

The truth is that moving on from that series would require you to invest in yourself and tell yourself no. 

No to the one that makes me feel excited, but excitement equals pain

No to the one that doesn’t share your same values, morals, work ethic

No to doing more and saying less. 

No to what you think you need

No to thinking who you’re attracted to is because of chemistry

”Chemistry” is an innate knowing that they will give you everything you want. They will reject you, make you beg, have you embarrassed, making excuses, holding your breath. You won’t ever feel safe. Until you change. Change the way you look at the person, change the way you interact, change everything.

Again, ego is yelling - but it’s all them.

Oh my God. Then leave. Don’t ever look back.

You’ll see them again soon - maybe not the same person, but the same something. 

Whatever the reason you’re not saying no, change that. Your compass is broken. 

The world won’t change, the people won’t change, adding this policy or sticker won’t change, nothing will change unless you change. It’s the effort that we put into loving ourselves that changes the world. 

Less pain in our world comes from within. 

You do have the power to make a difference. 

You just have to decide.