This poured out of me this afternoon and I thought you guys might like it. It might be too weird or heavy for some, and that's ok.
If you are working with your shadow, it can be helpful to write a letter to your shadow using the stream of consciousness technique - meaning to write without thinking, just allow your hand to move.
It feels so good to write this out.
All is well over here. I know some of you worry that I am such a heavy thinker and sharer, but it makes me feel like I'm doing something to share it with others.
Hope you all are well and taking care of yourself, your people, and letting them take care of you.
Most of the things you hold for me, and that I feel held back by, are the moments, decisions, actions, and even the thoughts that went against my values. Those are my darkest moments, my greatest shames.
When I lashed out in rage, casting fear and rejection at the people I love the most in the world. I could rip myself in two over this. I grieve the stolen moments, esteem, safety, love. I grieve that it was me.
When I have done things I know are wrong, left with the feelings that I was the most disgusting human on the planet.
When I have been at my lowest you were always there. You held every part of me that I couldn’t hold myself. You kept my heart safe from the depth of despair. You helped me to move on.
Now, I want to help you heal. I want to show you that I can love you, even when I know everything about you. I want to tell you that underneath all these stories is a human who was having a human experience. A human who was prone to making mistakes, to not being able to always stand in her values. I want to help myself heal. I want to slow myself down and really let myself move forward from the shadows that fill every room.
I want to embrace every single aspect of me. I want to feel freedom.
The freedom that only standing here in the darkness will bring me.
The freedom that only you can give me.
I see you.
I have always seen you.
Every aspect of yourself that you turned away from, and every painful experience that you turned toward, I was there.
I was there when you raged, and I held your heart when you grieved.
I was there when you were at your lowest, your most injured.
In your deepest pain.
I am here to remind you that I will always hold onto the things you cannot.
I am here to hold you.
Forever in love,