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Is What I'm Doing, Not What I'm Meant To Be Doing?

Updated: Mar 26

I think I can say this and not get a lot of hate - spiritual people are poor at making decisions.

We question everything, mostly the things that we have no control over, and ruminate over the “signs” that our bodies are showing us and what we are seeing all around us. 

We are very “open” when it comes to making decisions, seldom checking back in with your heart. Once the idea is received at the heart space, we know - this is an immediate yes, or this is an immediate no. 

Then by the time the idea makes its way from the crown chakra (this feels good) it moves past the heart into the solar plexus and below. Here is where we begin to second guess ourselves (and everyone else) and I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that, after working mainly only with spiritual people, we are pretty sure to blame something on not being the right time, the wrong person, the wrong season, wrong underwear, etc. etc. and never fully look at - are we telling ourselves the truth? 

Did we seek this path because we are underachieving perfectionists that can’t bear responsibility for imperfection?

I don’t think so, but I do think we need to always gauge whether we are putting in the true labor, whether this is happening internally like excavating some old ass programs that you’re continually perpetuating and/or binging social media in lieu of doing the real work. 

I think we’re scared. 

I think we have always been scared to take center stage and even though your stage might be small when you get there, you don’t feel safe being seen when it comes to something you believe in. 

I’m there right now. 

I am struggling to fill my previously very popular trainings. I am struggling to write. I am really struggling with just simply loving myself. 

So, I need to make a decision. 

I need to be who I am.

I’m pretty anti-social but I do love to read and write. I’m going to do that more. 

Maybe instead of trying to do what I think you guys want, I should trust that what I’m learning is needed and that you’ll all be there. 

I really feel like I’ve outgrown the trainings the way they are right now. I want to be better. I want to be different but I’m not giving any space to feel confident in trusting what will come. I keep looking for something comparable, something I’ve seen before and nothing is doing it for me. 

This is the part where being spiritual and making decisions is hard. How do I trust myself to really know myself when I know I am mostly a robot pretending to be human following the same set of programmed sequences with a few upgrades here and there that evolve into a new program. 

How do we trust ourselves when we know we aren’t really “here”?

I mean, you make decisions based on the past, this is widely encouraged and known, so how do we know how to be here and it not be there? 

Your heart. 

Your heart is the one that first said yes (or no) 

Your programming is where you started to question it. 

Your programming knows everything about you, including all the new spiritual concepts and teachings you’ve been learning. What you may not know is that it’s actively looking to validate ALL your programming with each new thing you learn. 

You may feel moments like “I FINALLY GET IT” and then can’t remember how to put it into words for someone but you know you felt it. 

That’s because your programming took ahold of it and changed it so that you can’t even see it’s been changed, you’ll just feel different about it. This is working to keep you the exact same. 

That’s why we suck at making decisions. That’s why everyone sucks at making decisions. 

PS - let me share a little story you “sign finders” will like. I just logged onto facebook to dink around and not do my work and I received a friend request from someone with this quote which sums up the internal fight I’ve been having with myself since July - "I'd rather be hated for something I am, than loved for something I'm not!"- Kurt Cobain.


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