One of the most toxic traits of an empath is the belief that if others truly loved us, they would read our minds, they would instinctively know what we need and they would do this without us needing to ask for it.
When our loved ones don’t respond with what we need, we can tend to ruminate on how much we do for them, how much we give without being asked and how much we love without asking for it in return.
We truly fail to see that all of those things are a lack of boundaries and leave no room for anyone to fully show up in our lives with love and make it almost impossible to receive love (the way we think it should be).
Not everyone grew up in a home where they were so sensitive they learned to read the energy of the room, the person, the situation and also learned how to keep themselves safe and hopefully not abandoned.
Some people trust others to tell them if they are hurt or if they have done something wrong. Some people who have healthy emotional regulation, trust themselves enough to be able to handle it if they’ve hurt someone without spiraling in the abyss of failure, defensiveness and self hate.
Most empaths are reading into situations to protect themselves from something. I would even go as far to say that at no time are we truly doing it for the other person. We do it for ourselves to feel needed, to feel in control, to feel valued.
We do this to protect.
Mind reading is not love. It’s actually a protective mechanism we learned early on.
How do we undo this?
Emotional regulation. Sitting with and naming each emotion as it comes. Some of us have felt others emotions for so long we don’t even know anything other than “overwhelm” from others emotions. This is a clear indication that you are not in touch with your own emotions. Overwhelm is asking you to check back in with you, not anyone else. Although, the people you chose to focus on are often a very real mirror of what emotion inside you is asking to be seen.
Learning how to sit with uncomfortable emotions comes when your body is at rest. If your body is tense, your analytic mind is locked, meaning your reactive responses are ready. Nothing truly conscious comes from tension. Consciousness is where all healing takes place.
It’s where truth meets perception and we see what color the lens is through which we look.
Next time you are upset someone didn’t read your mind, or you think someone should know something and fix something for you, ask yourself why you are afraid to be clear and direct.
There is possible rejection, fear and abandonment wounds there and that’s why we get so worked up when our needs aren’t met.
You’ll know you’ve missed the window when your insides start to swirl and the best way down is to speak out loud, write down or meditate on what is happening inside of you and I like to try to go back to the source: When is the first time I can remember feeling this way? And let the memory or story come without effort.
You are 100% worthy of asking for and stating what you need. It is not too much, you are not too much, and not everyone will let you down (if they do….you know time and space work wonders), these are old stories not worth moving forward with.
