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Spiritual Self Sabotage

Are you weaponizing what you know about self reflection, alignment and “what feels right” against yourself?


I know I have.

At the same rate you are growing into your Spirituality, your ego is learning, too. It also learns how to keep itself safe from this rapid expansion that you have been planning for yourself. It learns all the keywords that keep people from lovingly holding you accountable, and it keeps you from questioning if you are still following the same patterns of past behavior.

Here is a clue though….


Despite all the new catchy words and deep moments of reflection, are you doing anything different? Like realllllly different, not just a different house, different clothes, different friends? If the same trigger for your pattern were to appear in front of you, would you expect them/it to be different), so you can be the same? (see where I’m going with this?)

Are you pushing past your old comfort zone?


Are you moving into discomfort?


Growth is UNCOMFORTABLE.


It is not cozy, it is not warm. It can feel hard, and it can even feel stuck sometimes.


It is standing up and being seen.

It is claiming your worth and taking up space.

So often I would take massive leaps and bounds, doing things different and then something would push back. I would take this pushback as being out of alignment with what I needed and then look back and go, “oh, yes. That was exactly what I needed but I was uncomfortable. I didn’t have control. I was following the same pattern of not fully showing up for myself”. But I had such a soothing inner dialogue that made me believe I was still supporting myself in this new, empowered version of myself that I wanted so badly to be.


I have wasted years doing this and still catch myself doing it.


I have an army of people who hold me accountable and who know when I’m using my spiritual bs.


This is why I believe we surround ourselves with people who do the hard work and know how to see through the fluffy stinky pile of poo that we can dish out on the regular.

I know as you’re reading this, you’re thinking of someone in your life that does this, but I’m telling you right now that if you can see it, you are doing it.


We can only see what is present (in some way) for us. If something doesn’t trigger you, it isn’t your inner dialogue. If something does trigger you, it is happening internally whether it’s from a desire to be more like that or a shame that you already are.


Remember as you go, that the exact same force that has been trying to keep you small is waiting just long enough for an opening where it can use all of the new information it has learned to keep you in the ….


exact.

same.

place.


Knowing that I do this myself is the seat I’m sharing this from.


So much love for all of you doing this work. I know it can be painful but it is also so incredibly rewarding to watch your relationship with yourself and others change.


Keep going.


xx Mel



meditation, spiritual healing


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