WHY WE DO IT AND HOW TO STOP
I don’t get it, at this stage of the game (I’m in my 40’s) with women who are well into their adulthood and flirting with consciousness, that we wouldn’t notice how poorly it feels to speak behind someone’s back that you have a relationship with.
You have to notice the lethal combination at play.
First, there’s the dopamine rush from causing trouble and then comes the sinking feeling of - what have I done?
Because you know the outcome.
You might have a different reason each time but it all ends up the same way - chaos.
So why do you keep doing it?
It’s really quite simple and just as equally effed up.
You are addicted.
You’re addicted to dumping your internal pain on someone or something else. You’re addicted to the rush and the thrill of feeling better than for a split second and more so…….. you’re addicted to the shitty feeling that follows.
That shitty feeling is actually the end goal all along.
It’s the target.
And, it’s your preferred state of being.
It’s your comfort.
It’s what you know, have always known, and will always be, unless you acknowledge this addiction and make the uncomfortable choice to change it.
It is equivalent to putting down the bottle, the remote, the phone. All of those are habits that you’ve acquired that are no longer serving you. But, until you consciously choose a different response, resulting in a different vibration - one that feels uncomfortable, like you almost can’t NOT do it, things remain the same.
All of your justifications will show up and you’ll believe they’re valid. They’ll look and sound like this:
“Well, she hurt me so she deserves this”
“I can’t tell her, she won’t care, it’ll go nowhere”
“She’s like this with everyone. Everyone talks about her”
“She doesn’t seem to care what anyone thinks about her”
“I’m a good person, she’s the bad one”
And the truth is, it’s not about her at all. It’s 100000000% about YOU
It’s about you craving that shitty feeling and the chaos that ensues, should you get caught.
You are in pain and you want others to hold it.
Only you can.
When you stop speaking poorly of others, you will notice that you feel less judgment about yourself, which is a healthy bonus on top of being able to sleep at night.
It really is a mirror.
If you use it to point back at yourself, you will heal like never before. But, you have to really want that. There are so many people doing all the spiritual things but refusing to clean up behaviors. Behavior seems like the last thing we honestly look at.
Give women a chance and tell them your truth.
If you need to talk about them, talk to them.
It’s the only way through our hard history with each other.
Become the reason someone trusts again.
Oh, and that pain you’re holding? It’s from being disconnected from women and your truth. Your heart remembers.
NOTE: If you are looking to create connection with other like minded, high vibrational women, please consider my upcoming retreat. I've held containers and space for women to work through mother and sister wounds, healing our distrust in each for years and it would be my honor to have you join me on my next retreat