Sister Wounds

Updated: 2 days ago


What They Are, Where They Come From, And, What We Can Do About It


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I never really fit in. And, in most places, I still don’t.


Throw me in a room with strangers talking about the weather and I am LITERALLY counting the seconds until I can be freed. I get zero joy from it. But, sit me in a circle with women who aren’t there to swim on the surface and you’ll find me in the deep end with them all night.


I’m ready to bare it all with this kind of woman. The kind that can hold space for herself and me. The ones that don’t turn away or put a silver lining around my pain.


These are the kinds of women that heal women's wounds.


I was bullied as a child - not pretty enough, not dressed well enough, I guess, as it turned out, just not enough at all. This created a permanent scar - a Sister Wound. I have a vivid memory of the “beauty” in my class telling me that she lived in a castle, and that we were poor. Where did that come from??? The funny thing was - I knew she lived in a duplex - not a castle, but the way she said it to me had me believing I was supposed to feel less, so I did.


I also peed my pants a lot, so that didn’t help.

I went through what all girls do, it seems - a rite of passage undoing any trust in other females, the cycle of - you’re in this week and out the next. Being a teen girl really is one of the hardest times of a woman’s life. The masks I would put on to fit in, to be liked, to not be rejected, were the sacrifice I had to make to have friends, to attain the untouchable status of becoming popular. Behind each mask, I lost more and more of myself - my integrity, my values, my worth. Gossiping, drinking, partying, lying, I didn’t really know how to say no.

I wanted so badly to be popular. It seemed like the golden ticket to not feel pain. But, once I got there, I realized it, too, was just another illusion. There was still pain, and there was definitely still rejection.


As I got older, I had one best friend at a time. They would be the only one that I let see all of me. I had amazing best friends. There isn’t one that caused me damage, but I’m not sure I can say the same about myself. I have experienced sister wounds and I have perpetuated them. I let pain and past experiences destroy amazing friendships and I lost out permanently on a friend that ended up taking her own life.


I watched my mom suffer with female relationships. I saw her give her all and be taken advantage of. I watched her fail to stand up for herself and find friends that took, took, took - one that even tried to ruin her marriage.


Women were not to be trusted - that was the message.


What is This and Where Did It Come From?


With the rise of the Patriarchy, women went from depending on each other to turning against one another - from communal beings to competitive beings.


The Sister Wounds are a manifestation of unhealthy coping mechanisms that women use in place of processing their grief and pain from the loss of community and connection. These are the wounds we pass on from generation to generation, further removing ourselves from the truth of who we are at our core.


Women turned against each other - there were those that stood in solidarity to their way of life and those that succumbed to the new world of the Patriarchy. We became divided and lost our power, our way of life. This division cast an energetic wound across time and space for all women. No matter who you are, you have been touched by this wound by being born into a female body.


Here’s what the Sister Wound can look like:


Competition


You don’t trust yourself enough to know your own worth so you work twice as hard to become “better” than other women.


This is a patriarchal response and a wound that cuts deeply into our feminine nature of collaborating and living in communion with other women. They are not your competition, there is enough for everyone, we all have victories, and we all make mistakes.


This shows up in mothering, the boardroom and in our intimate relationships


Judgment


Feeling like you aren’t enough breeds judgment. When your cup is full and your needs are met, the brain relaxes its stronghold on the comparisons and judgments of others. Most of our judgment is coming from a place of not being seen, understood or validated. To cope with those feelings we project them onto others and cast a spell of pain and rejection their way so we know we’re not alone. Is this a conscious choice? No (unless you’re an asshole)


Jealousy


Jealousy comes from the belief that you aren’t already enough and it's directing us towards something that is missing within.


Looking through a lens of lack creates jealousy. What if you believed you were enough? Would you feel jealous of someone else’s gifts? You came to this human body with a soul mission, and jealousy is an indicator that you have moved away from it in some way. Use what you’re jealous of as a motivator to love yourself deeper


Isolation


It can sometimes feel like too much. Like you’ll never get there, so you might as well stop trying. This level of Soul exhaustion comes from doing it alone. Your cells remember when they were supported, when they had a community and people that they trusted. They’re sending you signals that this isn’t right, this isn’t the way we were meant to live.