I thought I closed that door a long time ago.
As a little girl, I used to move room to room in search of comfort in the night. I would sneak into my brothers room, my parents room and finally, found solace at the edge of my bedroom with my door open, where my red carpet met the brown carpet of the hallway. I would make a bed there and find sleep for the night. Peaceful, and not “alone”.
I hated sleeping or being in the dark by myself. It was terrifying and no one could understand. I was scared of everything.
As an adult I began to understand what it was I was running from. It was a connection to the “other” side that I could feel but had no idea what it was. I always felt a presence in the room with me that I couldn’t see, and sometimes, when I did see it, I would want to shrivel inside myself. I felt better when other people were there. I could feel their presence and overlook the others.
In my 20’s, I saw a psychic who could tell me what it was that I was experiencing and, how I could stop it. She was really excited for me and wanted me to expand on what I was experiencing and grow from it. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want these feelings. They left me vulnerable and afraid. That night, as the shadows gathered on the roof, I said “I don’t want to see or feel you anymore”. And, that was it. For a very long time.
We have since had other experiences with the boys, things that cannot be explained rationally, but nothing has ever happened to ME since….until yesterday.