First off, I want to say out loud, that I know the point of yoga is not the postures. But, in my life, they've always held meaning behind each one. I think this could be true for others. It hasn't ever really been about the execution of the shape, it's been about the way the shape feels for me. How I land into it, whether it accepts me as I am - which is, always. And, whether I feel the need to strive to be something different.
I've had to humble myself back to my mat.
After deciding not teach yoga anymore, I settled into working at a computer using this time to build up my online passion, mentoring and coaching. I knew I wasn't living in alignment, asking my clients to move their body - educating them on the first gateway being their body. I did this week in and week out, not knowing that slowly over time, I was losing my practice. That I had already lost my practice.
The thing that made me whole, was now something I was taking for granted. It was something that I saw as - I'll get to it later. This is a sickness for me. I know I am sick when I am not prioritizing my health. When I am not prioritizing my health - I'm not doing yoga. It's that simple. It always has been.
So, here I sit. With my practice brand new again, my hips - tight and sore, my legs weak and shaking, I can't find my core. My breath, gone. But, slowly, stacking one practice on top of the next (currently 3 in), my body is miraculously transforming. It's taking on the shape of strength. I can sense the knowing coming back as I breathe life back into the parts of my body I have been suffocating.