The Lightside Has a Darkside

My Personal Experience


I have debated on writing this blog for so many months. On one hand, I believe that sharing this information is fusing power back to the students and away from their energetic Mentors, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to breathe life into what is already there. My intention for this year is TRUTH, and in the energy of that intention, I’ll tell you mine.


This year, 2020, I had my own experience of being sabotaged, slandered and lied about by another Reiki practitioner in my small town. I think it’s taken me this long to finally really understand what happened, and how it happened to me.


First off, I want to be clear that I have nothing but compassionate understanding for all people involved, but I do believe that it is time to take accountability for the wrongs that have been done. Throughout the course of this journey, I have been forced into forgiveness many times because my sanity required it. I can’t tell you how awful of a feeling it is to know that there is someone out there, who doesn’t even know you, that is spreading lies and scaring their students, harming their students, with their lies. This was, and is, a terrible misuse of power and goes completely against the principles of Reiki that we both teach and were attuned to.


Take a seat and buckle up, guys. This is a long story, just when I thought it was over, it began again.


The Beginning


At the beginning of last year it dawned on me that I had in no way contributed to the betterment of my community. I had all these tools that I offered in workshops, trainings and retreats, but I wasn't using them to build up the community I lived in, so I set out to offer a free Mindfulness workshop for everyone in my area. I had the support of the community, the response was OVERWHELMING. It was UNREAL. There was a local business that stepped up straight away to generously donate their space for the workshop to be held. It felt like serendipity. The excitement built up as over 75 people signed up within days (our community is under 5000 total), which is HUGE! We even made the local paper, imagine that! I had created an event on facebook and left it to do its thing. When I came back, I was heartbroken to see that under the event details and on the community pages, there was a woman who was adamant about stopping this event from happening. She owned the building where the workshop was being held and banned this workshop from occurring there. I was completely dismayed, I couldn’t believe the energy behind her comments. I had never once even met this woman. As confusing as it was, the event was easefully moved over to another building only to be met with COVID restrictions. I thought this was the end of my struggle, but it only proved to be the beginning.


This person that has narrowed in on me, doesn’t do it herself. She has other people do it for her. The landlord of the building was just the beginning.


At the end of April, I had a Reiki training scheduled to take place. Covid restrictions strike again, and I had to cancel that training, forgetting to remove it from my website, because...well, COVID. I thought we would all be on the same page of not getting together.


I received a message to my website the day before the training was intended to start. It said - where is this training being held and how many are registered. A little abrupt, is what I thought, but I never know where people are coming from so I responded politely, it had been cancelled.


I do the work I do because I know things. I knew who it was who messaged me, so I sent her a message. She didn’t respond directly. But I did receive an email from one of her students (the one who originally messaged me) the next day.


It was one of the most shocking, jaw dropping things I have ever read. I could feel the fear that was behind the email that was sent to me. I knew that this woman actually believed that I harmed her, and it terrified me.


Inside the email, I was accused of sending distance Reiki, unwanted, to this woman, and she called it assault. She informed me that I was in breach of the NHPC code (which I’m not apart of, but her teacher is) and that it was against practitioners guidelines to send Reiki to someone who did not ask for it. I can tell you right now that I don’t need the NHPC to tell me not to do something that goes against the integrity of what I practice. I have my own standards/guidelines and integrity as well as those I honor within the Reiki lineage. I would NEVER do this. You also CANNOT harm someone using Reiki energy. This was not told to her by her mentor, obviously.


The email was ended with -


BUT if you ever decide to practice distance reiki on my in the middle of the night again we will have a problem.


Which scared the absolute shit out of me. What does this mean? How do I NOT do something that I’m already NOT doing. I was shaking. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I couldn’t think of anything that I ever did that would result in me receiving an email so full of rage towards who I am. I contacted the police, I was so afraid of what was going to happen when I had no control over what they were experiencing or what they were being TOLD they were experiencing. My first thoughts were that this person was unwell, and that I needed to protect myself and my family.


Now, imagine me trying to explain this scenario to a police officer. Much to his credit, he was incredibly professional despite being INCREDIBLY confused by what was going on. He agreed that the email was crossing lines and contacted the woman who sent it. She agreed not to contact me anymore. I thought it was over. So much relief, but again, still so much confusion to why this was happening.


I have only recently been gifted with the knowledge of what happened.


Right before Christmas, the same woman who sent me the email, phoned me. I was shitting my pants during the whole conversation. It’s really astounding how something that we don’t understand can have such an impact on our level of safety.


What I learned from my conversation with this woman was that my level of empathy throughout the whole process was absolutely warranted. She was phoning to apologize to me. I couldn’t believe it, I wanted to cry. For months, I ran over various scenarios in my head of what I could have done to make someone despise me so much that they would set out to attack me. I lost sleep over it in the beginning, and it haunted my thoughts often. There was no closure, nothing I could make sense of.


When a Mentor abuses their power with a student in this capacity, the student loses their will. They believe in the Mentor and have put their trust and faith in someone who will treat them as a pawn for their own demons. That is what happened. This is what she told me. She recently found out that it was her own Mentor who was injuring her through (what I believe is mental manipulation) energy. She went on to say how obsessed this woman had become with me. She was constantly looking at my website and social media and saying “Can you believe it, look at what she’s doing now”. SHE was the one who told her student that it was ME harming her. She did this, knowing full well that this was NOT HAPPENING. Such a misuse and total ABUSE of power. I am incredibly grateful that this brave woman took the step to apologize to me. Many would not own their part in the story and just continue to carry on. This released me from the torment of not knowing so that I could finally close the chapter on this story.


This writing is the last step in closure as I share my TRUTH. I have no desire to engage or be right. I’m bringing awareness to the truth that not all people doing this work, should be doing this work. There really aren’t any checks and balances for your teachers, so you’ve got to be vigilant. If they speak from a place of fear, they are not meant to be a guide yet. You have to trust the Mentor you choose, but you MUST TRUST YOURSELF FIRST. If something doesn’t align or feel right, you are the advocate. We are communal beings, we are drawn to others, but we aren’t dependent upon them to tell us how we feel, this is something that I have worked so hard to bring up in my clients. They are the light, they always have been. They are the source. I often joke that I am working myself out of a job, but I trust that there will always be enough.


The thing is, we all have this darkside to ourselves. We all experience moments of darkness, that is the beauty of our human nature. One of the true tests of our nature is what we do with that darkness when we are given power. When a student chooses a Reiki Teacher, they are choosing a Mentor. They’re trusting in you, that you will guide them into the true teachings of the lineage.


What is the answer?


Stay beautifully in discernment and you will always KNOW.