The Oddest Shame

A re-post from March 2016

I`m a secret ginger. When I was a little girl playing soccer with my transparent legs, I can remember applying foundation (pre self-tanner days) to anything that was exposed. Along with being a very expensive way to be something I wasn`t, it also didn`t work.

To this day I have tried to tan my pale skin in sun beds (argh) and have tried every self-tanner under the sun. I have even gone as far as having my own spray tan station set up in my garage (picture things built with duct tape).

Throughout my life this has been a constant hinderance of mine….up until today — today I have learned to embrace my skin and it`s amazing, amazing properties. Skin is a miracle, our bodies are a miracle. We are sitting inside this miraculous packaging that defies science every single day.

What brought about my awareness of how amazing my being is and how my disregard for it has been a supreme injustice was my diagnosis of melanoma.

How ironic, Melanie has Melanoma.

How could this be? I’m young, I have young children. This can’t be. But it is…. All the years I spent trying to make my skin into something that I felt was aesthetically pleasing to the world came crashing in on me. As I’ve grown older I have learned to appreciate the beauty in other amazing bodies but still had struggled to fully embrace my own.